Your face is a jimmy john
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
