Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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