I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
