omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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