Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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