awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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