just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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