FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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