My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
