I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
