38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
