Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
