Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize