Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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