This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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