my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
