I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
