That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
