official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How naked do you want me to be?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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