You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
