Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
