I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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