PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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