This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
