My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
