used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
