Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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