thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
