when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize