paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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