i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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