You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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