we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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