omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize