Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
