I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
