she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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