She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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