I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize