she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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