We're like a lot better than the average bears
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
