This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
