My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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