You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Randomize
