her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
