I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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