i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she pinky promised me she was 18
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I can't turn off my feet"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
