apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
