She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize