im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She even gives head with a lisp.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
well, you know. whores of a feather.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
