Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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