I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize