"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
