I wish i was in the wii world.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He shit in the fireplace
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
