I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
