You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
