i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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