Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
