i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
