what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's never too late to be topless.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
