Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
