she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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