I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
