I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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