i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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