Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
