my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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