after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
